…I am a gourmet chef and could probably win Cupcake Wars. I compost and can grow anything, anywhere. My lawn is immaculately landscaped, and my house…absolutely perfect. Every closet and cupboard is organized to a tee, the walls are filled with adorably chic DIY decor. My make-up is always flawless and dramatic, my teeth practically sparkle, and my hair always looks red-carpet ready–which is good, because my wardrobe evidently consists mainly of fancy ballgowns. Along with a few fandom t-shirts, of course. Despite always being perfectly made up and coiffed, I also do about 63 different work-outs a day to maintain my sculpted magazine body (which does not respond to all the calories and sugar on the Food board, no sir!). But when I’m not being the ultimate housewife, I’m being the ultimate SAHM and doing at least 40 crafting activities with the kids each day. I have an entire room devoted to crafting supplies (spotless organization in there, of course).