, , , ,

Naturally, the weekend before I’m to have surgery, I get sick.

I knew I was in for it when I woke up to my husband coughing right in my face on Thursday morning. Cue the obsessive chewing of vitamin C tablets, gulping down “supercharged” smoothies, and desperately trying not to breathe the same air as my husband–and boys, who immediately began coughing and sneezing as well.

Saturday morning it hit full force. Sore throat, coughing, sneezing, sniffles. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to have any sort of respiratory illness if I’m going under general anesthesia…..but beyond that, if I’m still coughing and sneezing AFTER the surgery, it’s going to hurt like hell!!!

So now we’re into desperate measures. My plan was to go fully raw, eat massive amounts of veggies and greens and drink gallons of water a day, maybe go sit in the sauna for a while….flush it out. My husband’s advice was to eat super spicy soup (he made it vegan just for me….when I get around to writing about how going vegan affected my marriage, you guys will see why that’s so significant!) and drink “as much rum as you possibly can.”

I’ve combined the two approaches (never mind that the soup is obviously not raw) for a drunken, veggie-stuffed weekend of binge-watching Hulu and evidently–and accidentally–buying a subscription to Amazon Prime. (We thought that the Prime mistake was actually going to be a good thing until we realized that all of the Instant Video shows and movies are unavailable to us…..)

I think it’s going to work? I’m not stuffy-nosed any more, though still coughing and sneezing some. Guess I’ll continue slurping rum through a straw while cramming lettuce wraps into my face. Can’t be a bad thing, right???

At some point, I’ve also got to get rid of my gel nails. To be perfectly frank and shallow, this really makes me sad. I’ve got color-changing polish (blue when cold, white when warm) and I really just love it. A lot. It’s like I’m Elsa. Or not, but sometimes in the in-between temps when I’m not outside but not warmed up to indoor climate, it does have that signature Frozen blue. I bought the necessary tools to remove them yesterday, but I’m putting it off like nobody’s business. Tomorrow, tomorrow….

In the meantime, I’m finding that rum-writing is slightly more volatile than wine-writing. My current heroine is discovering a wild, fuck-all side that I hadn’t entirely planned for her, but I think it might actually fit in well. Adding layers….like an onion. Onions are like ogres, you know.

I’m going to let this slide right into a stream-of-drunken-consciousness for your entertainment and the exercise of my fingers. Gods, do you think I’d actually be able to finish a novel when given time off work and being unable to do anything but lie around waiting for the pain to stop? How dark would a story produced under those conditions be….It’ll either be that, or I’ll waste(?) the entire sick leave time playing zombie games online with West Coast friends who I never get to game with on a normal schedule. Or, I’ll recreate my whole neighborhood on the Sims 4. ALL OF THESE THINGS SOUND WONDERFUL. Aside from the constant pain aspect. Will I get drugs? I hope so. And I hope not. I guess I’ll need them, but hopefully not for long. Will we just sit around and get high for days, playing Playstation and watching dumb videos? I’m so late to the party but I just finished Season 1 of American Horror Story last night and I was so inexplicably satisfied by the ending. Was anyone else? How hard is it gonna be to go into the next season and forget all pre-determined characters…we’ve taken the day off before beginning Season 2 to try to clear out our perceptions of the actors as their Season 1 characters, but I think it’ll still be hard to jump right in. I’m so gonna do it, though. Tonight.

Shit. Is it family Skype night? It is….oh hell.